To Be Alone (?)
by YourLadyX
Summary: He loved Maeve. She was his reason to live. But one moment, one bullet, one look. And the world fell down for him . . . He wanted to forget, to die. But someone had liked him too much, to let him.
1. Raindrops

Song to this story :

**_Vanessa Williams - Amazing Grace_**

* * *

** Monday – 1:21 am**

He was sitting on the wooden floor in the bedroom.

Empty bottle of whiskey in his hand, and another next to him.

Impossible to sleep. Impossible to close tired eyes. Impossible to stop thinking about that day.

Alcohol was a best way to forget. But it was Monday. It means, time to work. Time to be sober and conscious.

Reid tried to stand up . . . It looked like the most hardest thing at that moment.

He was wearing jeans, faded blue t-shirt and converse. But it didn't matter for him.

The sound of raindrops on the window glass disturbed his thoughts.

He looked on the clock.

Too early to go to the work.

Too late to get drunk in the bar.

Only one place was always open for him. Place where he could talk and be himself.

Place where he could be with her. With his Maeve.

He walked few blocks by lonely streets. Rain was more intensive, as when he arrived. But an umbrella was not needed.

He liked rain. Pieces of water, falling on a face.

Maeve loved it too. Once she told him about autumn, when she was 17, in the London.

She was walking through the streets just like him. Her red dress were waving into the sounds of wind.

Suddenly the single raindrop fell on her cheek. Only one. She looked up.

Maeve said, it looked like the sky was asking her, if she agrees.

She smiled, and few seconds after, the huge rainstorm fell on the city.

The people ran under their umbrellas out of the street. But she just stood there.

Alone.

Everyone was gone. At home.

She smiled again, and started to dance, while she was going to the underground.

Not much. Only few volatile moves. But she was happy there.

Spencer remembered her voice, when was saying it.

She was smiling. He couldn't see, but he heard it.

That was the moment when he find out he loves her.

He looked to the sky.

'. . .loved her." he thought.

He looked in front of him.

Maeve Donovan

1983 – 2013

"Forever in our hearts & memories"

Red rose, which he brought there yesterday was still there.

Rain was weaker and weaker every minute.

And he was just standing there . . . In front of her grave. Grave of only one woman he ever truly loved.

He touched his revolver, which he always had with him.

It was a way to escape. So simple, so fast . . .

But he decided to not think about it now.

Now he was there with her.

Suddenly the unknown voice came from behind him.

"I thought I'm the only one here . . ."

Woman voice sighed sadly.

Reid turned to the sound.

In the rain. In wet clothes and hair. With tears in the eyes.

She smiled weakly and wiped her tears with sleeve.

She looked nice, but in her voice was grief.

". . . your wife ?" she asked, watching Maeve's memorial.

Without any doubt he answered.

"My love." he smiled gently

"Life's not fair, isn't it." stream of teardrops run down her face.

She sat on the near bench, looking at hundreds of graves around.

"One day they are here, and everything looks great. And then . . ." her head fell to hands.

Spencer slowly came closer, sat next to her.

". . .then they're gone. And life doesn't make sense already."

he continued.

"For_ who_ are you here ?" he sighed, watching the rain.

She closed her eyes painfully.

"My sister . . . Few years older."

"What happened ?"

"Cancer. I saw her dying every day. . ." She looked at him, with so much suffer in eyes. His face looked same.

"Molly . . . she was the most genial. Protected everyone, and never wanted anything for it.

I'll never forget that pain in her husband's eyes, after she died. So empty, without any sense . . . just like yours."

There was a silence at the second.

"She . . ." he stopped at the second, trying to keep his tears inside. ". . . she was killed in front of me. My Maeve."

She lay her head on his shoulder. Without any word, without any noise.

Only two broken souls in the rain.

"It hurts so much .To live without them . . ."

She sighed deeply, while warm tears were falling from her eyes.

"One day It will stop." he said strongly.

She looked at him little confused.

"What you mean ?"

"The pain." he said with the same tone in voice and looked to the sky.

She dried her tears.

Spencer didn't say a lot. But it makes sense more than anything else.

That unbelievable pain one day will stop.

For average human it could means many things.

For example, that people can teach to live with the grieve or that death is not the end.

But she knew what he means. She knew it exactly.

Suicide is the only escape.

But she was quiet. And he too.

They were just looking to the sky, and thinking.

"Hey . . ." she smiled a little ". . . the rain stopped. I didn't recognize it."

Reid smiled gently, still looking up.

"I thought It will never end."

She dried tears, and the rest of the raindrops from her face.

"I'm Claire. Claire Laurens . . . ."

She smiled friendly and stood up.

He followed her.

"Spencer Reid." he smiled back.

"So, Spencer, I must ask. How are you doing it ?"

"Doing what ?"

"Be so calm suddenly."

"It's my job. I have to." he smiled a little at her, and she smiled back.

"It's sound interesting. Tell me about it. . . "

Some women would tell it sarcastically, but she was really interested.

Interested so much, that her eyes were almost shining.

"Sure, why not. But It's little cold in here. If you want, I live few minutes from here. We can talk on the way."

"No, no. You helped me enough for tonight."

"Look, I'm gentlemen. I can't let you here alone."

His hair and clothes were too wet, that the drops were falling from it every second. Brown , gently eyes followed her every move. But he still looked so . . . so calm, and strong.

Unusual for someone who was almost hour in the weather hell.

But she had to choose.

To stay there, on the cemetery alone and wet ?

But . . .

To say NO looked a lot harder!

"Normally, I would protest, but it's really cold. So thank you, Spencer."

He took of his jacket and put it on her shoulders.

That was a moment when she understood she chose a wonderful way.

They began to walk away. But Spencer stopped and turned to Maeve's grieve.

But didn't say a word.

Claire came closer.

"Goodbye, Maeve. I promise next time I'll bring you some flowers." she whispered.

Spencer smiled gently.

"Thank you."

"She deserves it the most."

He looked at the grieve, sighed.

"Oh yeah, she does."

Then they turned and started to walk away.

"You know, Spencer, normally I don't do this."

"Do what ?" he asked, trying to dry his t-shirt.

"I'm not so open to everybody. Truly, . . . to nobody."

He sighed.

"Me too. But today is more and more exceptional."

"But, It's weird."

He raised his eyebrows.

"What ?"

"Weird is, I'm not feeling weird."

He laughed a little.

"I guess we're a friends . . ."


	2. Weak Moment

This beautiful song I was listening, while I was writing this story . . .

**_Five For Fighting - Superman_**

**CHAPTER 2**

**Apartment, 32 min. lat**

Spencer unlocked the hard wooden door.

"Ready ?" he turned to her

"Stop, you're scaring me." they smiled and came into the room.

Living room and kitchen had formed one big room. Huge, glass window against the main door.

Living room part on the right.

Kitchen on the left.

It was too dark, too see something more. But she found something.

"Wow." she walked to the bookshelf. "That is the most incredible thing, I'd ever seen."

"Books ?" he asked confused, from the kitchen

"Yeah, I mean . . . story is like a new world. New place where you would exist. New human you would become. And when I see this, I see hundreds of possibilities. And that's amazing . . ." she stopped when she saw Reid's face full of interest.

"It sounds crazy, uh ?"

Claire smiled gently.

"I'd just never heard someone who talks so lovely about reading as you . . . expect her." Reid took a Maeve's photo from the table.

He smiled a bit.

"Can you tell me about her ?" she asked and sat on the couch.

He slowly walked toward her. "Uhm, I don't know what exactly you mean."

"You know it. Her voice, her dreams, her life. Everything you think about, when you hear her name."

She was smiling so soft and honest, that it was impossible to argue.

Her hair were still little wet, but he could see the dark, straight strands and green eyes, which were shining from under hair line.

He sat down next to her, and looked down.

"First time I had heard voice, was when she contacted me almost 2 years

ago. It was 'cause of her job. We were talking more than hour, and when we finished, only one thing I had to think about, was when I'll hear her voice again . . ."

"Did you call her next day ?" she asked and started to drink from her cup of coffee.

"I called her 5 minutes later, and invited her to dinner." he sighed

"5 minutes ? I thought you are not so self-assured."

"That's it, I'm not. I just wanted to be with her again . . . Then she explained me the situation, in which she was. But I must protected her." he breathed deeply.

"Obviously, not very good."

Spencer looked down and stood up.

"Don't blame yourself for it. You don't have a reason . . . "

She stood too, and walked towards him.

"Look Claire, I don't want to be nasty, but that's something what I won't argue about."

She grabbed him by shoulder.

"Spencer, stop please." she whispered

He gave up, and stopped to walk. But didn't turn to her, face to face.

"I don't know you much time, so I don't want to giving you advices about your life. But I can't let you suffer for something you didn't do . . . You know she wouldn't want it."

He sighed painfully.

"You're a best person I'd ever met. Do you know that ?

You had helped a lonely woman to deal with something so terrible and complicated.. And she loved you, 'cause of it. She loved you, because you didn't let her alone when she needed you . . .

Claire suddenly stopped.

She knew, it is not her thing. But she didn't want to see the good man suffer. Something incredible, attracts her to him so much, that she just wanted to delete this circumstances, and start over.

She just wanted one moment. One moment of weakness.

She came so closer to him, that only centimeter divided them.

Their eyes met, that she could feel what he thought about.

He wanted it. But he felt guilt.

Cheating. That it was for him.

One part just wanted to hold her, and never let go.

But somewhere very deep in his soul he was tied to Maeve.

She was too close.

"You can't stop to think about her, do you ?" she asked carefully

He looked down.

"Spencer ?" she whispered confused and touched his hand, but he made a step back.

Claire sighed and smiled weakly.

"I . . . I see."

She made few steps away too.

Spencer licked his lips nervously "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be.' she smiled again. This time sadly. "I overdo it."

She looked so sad, disappointed.

"Claire, . . ." he said gently

She turned to him.

"Spencer, I understood. And I'm not angry."

"But not happy." he looked at her, first time honestly.

"So, friends ?"

"Friends." he smiled. ". . . for this time, least."

She smiled back. "Least." she repeated. "I like it."

The atmosphere in the room came back to normal.

"So do you want some dry clothes ?" he asked and took empty cups from table.

"If you don't mind, can I take a shower in the first place ?"

"Oh sure, first door on the right. There are the doors to the bedroom. From the wardrobe take what you want." he pointed to the corridor.

"Thank you." she smiled, walking to the bathroom.

. . .

When Claire disappeared behind the door, Spencer took bottles from the floor, hoping she didn't see them.

Then he sat on the kitchen desk.

"What the hell am I doing." he smiled for himself, quietly.

Spencer looked from the window. Still darkness.

It was only few minutes after 4.

When he heard the sound of shower, he began to clean the room, eventually. Files, another bottles, newspapers . . .

17 minutes later, he walked to his bedroom, to wear something not so wet.

"Dr. Reid, your parents didn't teach to knock! . . . " Claire said sarcastically, from the other side of the room.

She wore only his red, long Redskins t-shirt, and wet hair were falling on the shoulders.

The soft light echoed from her a half naked legs.

"Uhm, sorry. I'd just never knock to my own bedroom." he smiled.

"That's okay. I'm done. I just ALWAYS wanted to say it." Claire laughed gently, walking out of the room.

"You can choose some movie to watch. I'll come per minute."

She nodded quickly, and left the room.

Spencer re-wear to the jeans, took his phone and turned it off.

Claire was sitting on the couch, holding few films in a hand.

When she saw him she smiled, guilty.

"I just love old movies."

They laughed.

"I don't want to destroy your dreams, but if we will watch all of these, we'll finish probably around . . . 6pm." he raised his eyebrows, with amused look.

"So, DOCTOR ." she started sarcastically. "Help me choose 5 favorites . . ." she stopped. When Spencer laughed.

"5 ? Really ? You don't have to go to the work ?"

"So 4 . . ." she paused. ". . . Less ? Are you normal ?" she yelled, smiling.

"You need a help, Claire." he laughed again.

"Okay, okay . . . "

she smiled. "3 ? . . . 2 ? . . Oh, come on!"

"You know it's Monday, do you ?"

"So, we must clarify something. . . " she cleared her throat. "You can criticize my cooking or stab me with knife if you want, but if you try to crush my movie addiction I'll throw something to you!"

She was trying to keep serious face.

"Okay, . . ." he smiled gently. "Compromise. 2 movies, now . . . and let me continue , before you grab a knife, please . . ."

Claire laughed, licked her lips.

" . . . and next time I'll officially invite you to real dinner, and very, very long movie night . . ."Spencer smiled. ". . . consider I'm desperate, please." he smirked.

"All right, I do agree, but only if you help me with these." Claire smiled and raised tens of movies.

Spencer smiled again and came to her.

Then he chose one of them and gave it to the player.

Then he sat back to her.

Claire smiled at him, lay on his shoulder and whispered. "This is probably the best night in my life . . ."


	3. (My Note)

Hello Readers,

I've stop to write this story for a while. I lost my inspiration . . . Sorry for that. But you (Especially writers) know, sometimes it's hard to continue, when ideas go away.

But I promise I'll update it soon.

/And a new story too, btw . . .

_Keep reading,_

_YourLadyX_


	4. One Night

**_CHAPTER 3_**

Fresh, golden sunbeams reflected from the glass window. Few of them came to the large room, which was now completely visible.

A lot of furniture, made of dark wood.

Big, high-pitched bookshelf was situate on the left wall. From the floor, to roof.

Full of books, how Claire described.

The kitchen and living room divided a little stair.

Long sideboard, made of solid pine with white top.

Glossy, iron double fridge next to wine-shelf.

The most impressive was the spiral stairs, right next to the bookshelf.

On the second floor was a one big room with glass double doors to the patio on the roof.

There were also book-shelfs, old color armchairs, professional telescope under the skylight, beautiful paintings and large black piano . . .

Such a room of everything.

On the right side, behind the kitchen was a shiny corridor. First door there, with the color glass, leading to the bathroom.

There was a spacious shower under the high-pitched window.

The second were the double doors. Behind them lied a large bedroom.

Big bed under the round window, which was giving a lot of sunshine.

Long, wall shelf on the another side. Surprisingly full of photos of familiar people. Kids, playing on the meadow, waving towards the camera.

Next image . Blond-haired smiling woman, wearing wedding dress.

Then,another beautiful woman in many-colored clothes next to the little boy.

Tall man with black hair, holding a baby in the blanket.

All of them were smiling.

Not a surprise Spencer wanted to see it everyday, when he woke up.

But one of them was different.

It was an old Polaroid photo in the frame.

There was a boy, probably 15 years old. He was leaning against the large, oak tree.

He was wearing old white, little creased, unbuttoned shirt and faded blue jeans.

On his lap was lying beautiful, the same old, smiling girl in the red, loose dress.

Holding an opened, little book.

They both were barefoot, and laughing.

If you would turn the photo off, you'd see a little note in the left edge.

**_ Lilly and Spencer_**

**_ Vegas, Summer '97_**

Opposite the window was a messy desk, with many files, 2 screens and keyboard. And 1 meter, on the right was a long (Really long, almost 4 m.) high-pitched wardrobe with the magnificent, rustic mirror.

. . .

But in the living room was something different. .

There was a life.

There were they. . .

Lying together. His arm around her shoulders, and her head on his chest.

Their eyes were closed, peacefully.

If you wouldn't know the circumstances, they looked like an old marriage couple.

. . . didn't need anything else, than each other.

_'The Bride of Frankenstein'_ was playing in the background.

**_/The best version from 1935/_**

Suddenly the noise from television shoke the room.

Spencer slowly woke up.

"Claire ?" he whispered, sleepy.

She rubbed her eyes.

"Hmm ?"

"You know we watched only one movie." he said with the same tone, still with closed eyes.

She hugged him closer, as if it was the most common thing in the world.

"Which one ?"

_"Rear Window ."_

She smiled gently, opening her eyes.

"It was really beautiful."

"Hitchcock film ? Beautiful ?" he raised his eyebrows.

Claire laughed a little. "No, . . . Uhm, technically yes but, I mean whole night. For a moment I forget the pain. And first time I felt care freedom . . . thank you."

His big brown eyes looked at her with so much goodness.

"Thank you." Spencer said and smiled gently.

There was a second of peaceful silence.

Then Claire slowly stood up. "I think I'll make a coffee. You want some ?"

He stopped suddenly, and turned to her confused.

"What ?" she asked, probably an octave higher.

"Oh, nothing. I just never think someone with ask me that one day." he said, walking to the bathroom, with light smile.

Claire laughed, choosing color cups from a kitchen cabinet.

The shower was turned on.

And she was just smiling and dancing around the table.

Suddenly the ringing, came from the living room.

"Spence, someone's calling you." she said loudly.

"Probably the team. Can you pick it up, please?" he said back, through a falling drops of water.

She slowly moved to the phone. On the display was shining 'JJ'.

"Phone of Spencer Reid. Can I help you ?" Claire spoke, drinking coffee.

Jj froze when she heard woman's voice.

"Uhm, hi . . . " she began confused. ". . . I'm Jj, Spence's friend. Please tell him a new case is in New York. We're arriving per 40 minutes from airport."

"Alright, I will report him. Nice to hear you Jj." she smiled to the phone.

"Me too . . . Bye."

"Bye."

Claire smiled for herself.

"For what ?" asked Reid, coming from bathroom.

She looked at him, still smiling "Hm ?"

"What made you happy ?" he smiled back.

"Just, . . . It's interesting, how goodness can shines from humans voice."

"It was Jennifer, wasn't she ?" he said automatically.

"All your friends are so lovely ?"

"I guess yeah. They are." Spencer took an empty cups from the table. ". . . Why she called, anyway ?"

"New York case. Airport at 6."

He looked at the clock. Then at her.

"It's good, really. I must go to work too."

She smiled and took her jacket.

Then she turned to him and wrapped arms around his neck.

"Thank you." she whispered to his ear.

He hugged her back and smiled.

"You know what will help, don't you ?"

She laughed lovely.

And then they said simultaneously. _"Coffee . . ."_


End file.
